Songs For the Soul
by pandorad24
Summary: A traumatic night buried deep in Inukashi's past causes him to break down when the memories are resurfaced, but Nezumi is somehow always there to pick him back up. Partly based on episode 9, implied rape. Oneshot.


**I'm in love with this anime - started this fic right after I finished the last episode. :)**

**PLEASE NOTE****: Inukashi is male in this story. Since he/she is an androgynous character, it is all about how the fans perceive him/her which determines his/her gender, and I just liked the idea of him/her being a guy (wow, that was a lot of pronouns in one sentence). Also, the entire scene and dialogue before the flashback is based on episode 9 - there will be spoilers (well, kinda). Enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER****: Nope. Do not own. *yawn***

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><p><em>~ Songs For the Soul ~<em>

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><p>The door creaked open behind Inukashi, who clutched the bed sheets in shaking hands, struggling to keep his breathing under control.<p>

"After you," he heard Rikiga welcome smoothly, and there was a shuffling over the carpet as the two entered. He could hear the No. 6 official make a sickening noise of approval as he appraised Inukashi from behind, and he had to bite back a shudder of disgust. He saw the man approach the bed out of the corner of his eye, and the rickety springs groaned under the official's weight as he sat, much too close for comfort; his breathing hitched when he felt a hand placed his knee.

"Your legs would be far lovelier, had they a bit more meat on them," the man hissed, tracing the skin up and down with his fingertips while snaking an arm around his narrow shoulders. Inukashi grit his teeth, focusing on not jerking away from the touch. _They will stop him_, he thought, remembering the plan they'd worked out and all the assurances his ragtag 'team' had given him, _Nezumi and Shion will stop him now_. His job was done, after all. He had gotten the official through the door - now what were they waiting for?

Suddenly, the man reached up and tugged off his hood, running his filthy fingers through the blonde strands of the wig he wore and drawing close until Inukashi could feel hot breath tickling his neck, sending shivers of fear crawling down his spine. "Ah, the smell of dogs..." The man purred venomously, bringing creepy to a whole new level as he took in the scent of Inukashi's many furry companions on his skin. "The smell of beasts..." He resisted the urge to vomit that very moment. Where were Nezumi and Shion already? What were they –?

And then he had to stifle a gasp of shock as something wet and slimy slithered over his throat, and the hand on his knee jostled his leg roughly and slid up his thigh. Vividly terrifying flashbacks raced through his mind, and he wanted to scream, he wanted to get away…

Distantly, he heard Rikiga say from the doorway, as if to salvage the situation, "She's an untouched fruit, so try to be gentle." _He has no idea_, Inukashi thought numbly. "Please enjoy yourself." And then he turned to leave; Rikiga was abandoning him.

Inukashi suddenly felt rage flooding through him. _He has no idea!_ He was quaking in fear on the bed, and none of his so-called 'friends' seemed to care. Wasn't Nezumi supposed to understand? Didn't he know perfectly well how this would affect him?

"Wait," the official said, finally pulling away from him, and he released a breath he hadn't known he was holding. "What about your fee? You always make me pay upfront."

"Oh, that's right!" Rikiga replied hastily. "I forgot..." _Did you forget about me over here, too?_ Inukashi wanted to shout. _'Cause it sure as heck seems like it!_

"You forgot about your money?" Questioned the official suspiciously. "Rikiga, what are you up to?"

_That's it, I'm done_, thought Inukashi furiously. _They were supposed to apprehend him long before our cover was blown!_ "I've had enough..." He muttered aloud softly. "You scumbag!" The sudden yell took the official by surprise; it was almost too easy to land the solid punch on his face, earning a sickening crack as his nose shattered. Inukashi jumped up from the bed, clenching his trembling hands into fists at his sides as the man toppled to the floor. "I'm not putting up with this crap!" He tore off the wig and threw it down, letting his long, lank hair fall around his bare shoulders, and stood there, breathing heavily and glaring around at the two men.

"W-What is this?" Stammered the official, gazing up at Inukashi fearfully.

"A young girl doesn't look much different from a young boy," Rikiga responded, stepping further into the room.

"Shut your mouth, you old drunk!" Inukashi snapped angrily, leaping back onto the bed to stand over them indignantly, waving his arms about in frustration. "Why didn't you follow the plan? I'll chop you all up and feed you to the dogs!"

The official pulled himself to his feet, and suddenly retrieved a gun from his coat, aiming it between the West District residents. "Explain yourself," he commanded coldly.

Then Nezumi appeared out of nowhere, and in one fluid motion, gripped the man's wrist, forcing the gun to clatter to the floor, and clamped a hand over his mouth, holding the official against him hostage-style. He kicked the gun away with his foot and smirked over at his captive. "Why don't you stick around?" He said. "I promise that you'll have more fun than you can possibly bear."

He made quick work of binding the man's hands and feet and tying a gag over his mouth, tossing him to the floor like a sack of garbage when he was finished and taking a seat on the bed. From where Inukashi stood, he was still fuming. "Why did it take you so long?" He demanded.

"I forgot my lines, so I had to check the script," Nezumi replied casually. As if he even _had_ lines. He acted for a living, but when Inukashi was being molested by some creep, he made up some weak excuse?

Inukashi spat out an outraged curse. "You crooked, two-bit actor! You have the honesty of a fox and the shame of a pig!"

Shion had crawled out from his hiding place under the bed, and was watching the two warily. Nezumi turned his head to face Inukashi, and said calmly, "Stop barking at me. Not everyone gets to have their neck licked by a top No. 6 official." He threw a kick at the shoulder of the man at his feet for emphasis.

These words fueled Inukashi's rage, and Nezumi's silver gaze pierced straight through him as he shouted furiously, "Shut up! I'm never trusting you again! The fleas can suck your blood dry, for all I care!" Deep down, he had once trusted the actor, trusted him with all his heart... but recently, Nezumi had just been so... cold. And he hated to admit that it hurt him. Deeply.

In his anger and humiliation, Inukashi stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him and racing to the water basin that he knew was just down the hall. He had to be clean; he just had to get the feeling of that man off of him... He snatched up the washcloth that lay on the edge of the basin, soaking it in the water and scrubbing his neck vigorously where the man's tongue had dragged across it.

He hated Rikiga, he hated Nezumi, he hated Shion, he hated them, he_ hated them_… Tears began to prickle his vision as he rubbed his skin raw, wondering what it would take just to feel _clean_ again...

"Sorry," said a quiet voice behind him. Shion must have followed him out. "That was wrong. I'm sorry, Inukashi."

He gave up on his futile effort, throwing the rag down and hunching over the basin in defeat. "Stupid..." He hissed contemptuously. "I hate you all."

Did he mean it?

He felt his shoulders begin to shake, despite himself. "That was... That was really disgusting." He said softly.

"Yeah."

"I had to keep myself from screaming at you guys for not coming out..." He continued, his voice breaking and tears filling his eyes, blurring his vision. "I did my best to hold it in…" _Just like he told me to, all those years ago_, he thought bitterly. _I was a good boy, I held the screams in_.

"I really am sorry," Shion said earnestly. "Want me to tell Nezumi to leave you out of this mess?"

_Nezumi_... If he didn't do this, Nezumi would never sing for him again - no matter how much pain he was in, he'd said. No, he had to do this. He couldn't bear to ever suffer in silence. And if he were to die, then Nezumi was the only one he'd want by his side, with a song to send away his soul in peace…

Inukashi squeezed his eyes shut, and the tears spilled down over his face. Turning around to face Shion, he stepped forward until his bowed head came in contact with a warm chest, and he simply stood there leaning against it, silently expressing his need for comfort as he cried into the soft coat. Tentative hands were placed gently on his trembling shoulders, and though it did little to soothe him, at least he knew that someone cared; something that Nezumi had once tried to assure him of...

And the memories flooded back through his mind, despite the mental walls he had so carefully constructed around them in a desperate attempt to keep them hidden from himself and from the rest of the world; that night had changed everything, had plagued his nightmares and haunted his waking hours for years on end until he learned to suppress it in the farthest corners of his subconscious. Of course, there were always those days, the quiet moments spent alone in the dark, when the memories crept up on him once more...

_The night was pleasant and warm in the West District, and from the courtyard Inukashi could see the faint twinkling lights of the No. 6 skyline far in the distance. The moon and stars shimmered in the fountain's reflection as the young boy sat on its stone edge with his pseudo 'mother' curled up at his feet, both listening silently and intently to the nocturnal performance taking place in the little street that bordered their hotel._

_The black-haired boy was singing again. People of all ages were gathered around him, pausing in their way to listen to the sweet melody that fell from his lips. Each note was flawless, and though the boy couldn't have been more than a couple years older than Inukashi himself, he had a strong voice that could top that any seasoned professional. _

_Inukashi always came out to listen when the boy sang. He wished he could spare him a coin or two like some of the audience offered, but that would require having money as well as the courage to approach the crowd. He had always spectated from a distance, because he could never bring himself to get closer - Inukashi was a very antisocial boy when it came to human interaction; being literally raised by a pack of dogs will do that to you._

_The final verse of the boy's song was complete, and the crowd clapped and cheered enthusiastically; the distinct metallic glitter of coins shone in the air as they were tossed at the feet of the performer, tributes of appreciation for a spark of beauty to light up their otherwise sullen day. There was a few moments' pause for the applause to die down, and then the boy began on his next song - a softer, more melancholic tune, though none less breathtaking than the last. _

_Inukashi was far too mesmerized by the beautiful lulling music he strained to hear to notice anything out of the ordinary, but his 'mother' - who most certainly possessed the sharper ears of the two - did. A low growl picked up in her throat, the fur on her back bristling as she raised herself into a sitting position to peer across the fountain. Inukashi whirled around to see what had caught her attention, but by then it was too late - he found himself staring down the barrel of a gun as it was aimed straight at his head by a man slowly approaching around the fountain. "Don't make a sound, kid," the stranger warned in a gruff voice._

_Inukashi was paralyzed in shock and fear. His 'mother' on the other hand showed no signs of wariness of the man or his gun, continuing to growl menacingly as she protectively planted herself in front of the small boy._

_"Get lost, mutt," the man hissed, and all he got was a sharp bark in response. "Call it off!" He ordered the boy, the gun unwavering in his hand._

_"M-Mom," Inukashi muttered fearfully, "don't -"_

_Heedless of the warning, the dog leapt toward the man before anyone could stop her, about to sink her teeth into the offending criminal's arm, but a harsh kick was all it took to send her sprawling across the courtyard. "No!" cried Inukashi. "Don't hurt her!"_

_"I would be more worried about myself if I were you," said the man, stepping closer with the raised gun in hand. "Now, you're gonna be a good brat and do everything I say. Got it?"_

_Inukashi nodded tentatively. What did this man want?_

_"Strip."_

_The boy was startled. "W-What?"_

_"You heard me," the man snapped. "Now strip."_

_With shaking hands, Inukashi obeyed, thinking that the man must want his clothes, perhaps for a son of his own; he wondered vaguely what he would do without the clothes, as they were the only ones he had. _

_Once he had finished undressing, he held out the dirty, threadbare bundle to the man, but he refused to take them. "I don't want those rags," the man growled. "I want you."_

_He suddenly lunged forward and crushed his lips onto Inukashi's, holding the boy's head in place with a fistful of his dark hair. Inukashi drew a sharp gasp of surprise, and the heavy scent of alcohol filled his lungs; he felt suffocated. Why was the man doing this to him? He had witnessed a couple do this once, a husband and his wife, he guessed; but wasn't that because they loved each other? Why, then, did this stranger want to kiss him?_

_The boy struggled against the much larger man in an attempt to free himself for oxygen, but froze when he felt the cool steel of a gun pressed against the back of his neck. He'd begun to feel lightheaded, when the intruding lips and hands were abruptly torn away, and the man let out a howl of pain._

_His 'mother' had her jaws clamped around the man's shin, and was trying desperately to pull him off-balance. Inukashi's heart swelled with gratitude for her effort to rescue him, though these feelings immediately shifted to horror as he watched the man aim his gun at a new target. "No!" He shrieked in panic, "Please -"_

_The gunshot rang in his ears for years to come after it was fired. All Inukashi could do was watch, frozen, as the only parental figure he had ever known had a bullet tear clean through her skull. Blood splattered over his skin faster than his brain had time to process what had happened right before his eyes, and he saw the one creature he'd ever loved in the world fall lifelessly to the ground. _

_"Worthless mutt," spat the man._

_"No," Inukashi muttered, staring wide-eyed at the motionless heap that he once recognized as his mother. "Mom..." He dropped to his knees at her side, tears welling in his eyes and not hesitating to fall down his face, though he hardly noticed. "Mommy, please wake up," he pleaded shakily. "Mommy, wake up. Wake up!"_

_"Shut up!" Ordered the man, and a hand grabbed at his hair, yanking it painfully to drag him away from the shaggy form._

_"No, please!" The boy cried tearfully, his hands scrambling to reach the body by the fountain. "Let me go!" The man threw him unceremoniously to the ground, and began to fumble with his belt. "W-What are you doing?" Inukashi asked, trying to squirm out from under the weight of the man on his legs. He began to panic when a hand pinned his wrists above his head, incapacitating him, and he glanced up into the man's eyes to see an expression there that he couldn't quite describe; it was the way a starving person might look at a plate of food. To be honest, it scared him. He did the last thing he could think to do - he screamed at the top of his lungs, hoping someone would hear him and come to his rescue. _

_"Help!" He shrieked again, and a stinging slap landed on his face._

_"I thought I told you to shut your mouth," the man hissed. "No one's gonna help you, understand? Now don't you dare scream, or I'll kill you."_

_What happened next was something of which the eight-year-old had a very limited understanding. All he really knew was that it made him feel terrified and violated, and it _hurt_ so badly he wanted to scream - but he didn't, not the entire time, because the man would kill him if he did. All he could do was sob as quietly as he could manage and wish for it to soon be over._

_As this dragged on, he looked to the street where the crowd had been gathered around the singing boy, and saw through eyes swimming with tears that some people still lingered there, though the performer had since disappeared; surely they had heard the gunshot and his pleas for help. But they seemed to be deliberately ignoring the sickening scene, going about their nightly errands or scurrying to the safety of their homes. He shouldn't have expected anything less from the West District - crimes like this occurred on a regular basis right under the peoples' noses. But still, he couldn't help but feel abandoned, as if whatever happened to him didn't matter; no one cared about the orphan boy that lived up in his big old hotel with a pack of strays. Not a single one of them cared. This realization drained all hope from the boy, and for the first time, he thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he were to die._

_The moment this despairing thought entered his mind, someone fired a second shot nearby, and the man let out a strangled gasp of pain as blood blossomed through his sleeve from a wound on his shoulder._

_"Get away from him," ordered a cold voice. "Now."_

_The voice belonged to the singer. The black-haired boy that Inukashi had only observed from a distance until then stood with the gun that had been lying forgotten on the ground in his hand, aiming it steadily at the injured man that hung over him. The man obeyed the boy's command, drawing away from Inukashi, for which he couldn't have been more relieved._

_"Leave." The boy's voice was firm and dark, almost completely foreign from what it sounded like in song. The man stumbled away quickly, clutching his wounded shoulder and biting out pained curses. Immediately, the boy knelt down by Inukashi's side. "You're bleeding..." He muttered, his eyebrows knitting together in concern. _

_He then lifted Inukashi carefully into his arms, carrying the smaller boy to the fountain and setting him down into the water. From there he pulled a small rag from his pocket and proceeded to dab gently at the dirty, tearstained face. Once he was satisfied, he went on to carefully scrub the dirt and grime from the rest of the olive skin. As he worked, he began to hum a quiet tune under his breath, as though to comfort the shaking boy._

_All Inukashi could do was stare as he underwent the bath. He was stunned that the very boy he'd been secretly listening to on the nights he performed outside his hotel would be the one to save him. From where he once watched him, he had been like a mysterious, unreachable force; up close, however, he was just another skinny kid that had to fight to survive in the world they lived in, another reject of No. 6's society. Just another resident of the West District... but this boy cared - that much was clear, and that's what made him stand apart. And if he cared, then perhaps other people did, too._

_Suddenly, a thought dawned on Inukashi. "Will you sing for my Mom?" He whispered timidly, looking up into the face of his rescuer. He was still greatly shaken and felt heartbroken by her death, and would prefer to focus on that instead of what had just happened to him; he could be scared and traumatized later, but now he owed his mom the respect she deserved. "She's dead now," he continued softly. "But, maybe it's not too late..."_

_"Not too late for what?" Asked the boy. _

_"For her soul," he replied. "I'm sure if you sang for her, you could send her soul away someplace wonderful." He could feel his eyes brim with tears once more, but he ignored them. "Please, it would mean more to me than you could possibly know."_

_The black-haired boy nodded in agreement. "I will sing for her," he said. "Where is she?"_

_Inukashi raised his hand to point across the fountain. "The dog?" Questioned the boy, suddenly skeptical._

_"I was abandoned by my parents as a baby," Inukashi replied. "She's the one who raised me."_

_The boy seemed to need no further explanation. He went to pick up the bundle of clothes on the ground and brought them to Inukashi, helping him climb out of the fountain and allowing him to dress though he was still dripping wet. Then, with the boy carefully supporting Inukashi, who felt pain shooting up his spine at every step, the two made their way over to the motionless form at the fountain's edge. Just the sight of her was enough to bring Inukashi over the edge once more, and he bit back a choked sob. What would he do now? Sure, there were other dogs in his little 'family', but none were as close to him as the one the man had killed._

_As Inukashi collapsed onto the soft bundle of fur, and he realized with a sorrowful pang in his heart that it had already begun to grow cold, the other boy stood close by, watching the scene with solemn eyes. After a few moments, he drew a deep breath, and began to sing._

_Inukashi couldn't remember the exact words he sang, but the melody would stick with him forever. As cliché as it sounds, it was without a doubt the most beautiful song he had ever heard - it was soft and passionate and sad, but undeniably hopeful. He knew the boy was putting special effort into each note, to make it special just for the soul it was meant for, and for Inukashi as well. It comforted him in a way he thought nothing else could, and put his heavy heart at ease. By the time the song was finished, he was no longer crying, because he got the feeling his 'mother' had moved on to a better place._

_"Thank you," said Inukashi gratefully, rubbing the last of his tears from his eyes._

_"You're welcome," the boy replied. As if as an afterthought, he added softly, "Will you be okay?"_

_"I think so," Inukashi lied. If he was being honest with himself, he really didn't know the answer to that question. But he would try to be okay - he owed himself and his new friend that much. _

_"By the way, my name's Inukashi," he continued, purposefully changing the subject. "Do you think you'll come visit me sometime? I live here, in the hotel. I could offer you a room, if you want." For the first time in his life, he found himself actually hoping to be closer to another human being. It was a nice feeling; and he thought he might be lonely if he never saw the boy again._

_To his disappointment, the boy shook his head. "I have a place on the outskirts of the district," he explained, "but thanks. I might come over the next time I perform around here. Oh, and my name's Nezumi."_

_"Nezumi," Inukashi repeated with a faint grin. "I hope you'll sing for me again sometime," he said wistfully._

_Nezumi gave him a small smile in return. "Of course," he replied. Then the smile shifted into a wry smirk. "But, just to be fair, it may cost you."_

And cost him it did - almost more, he now realized, than he was willing to pay.

In the years that followed that dark night, Inukashi eventually learned exactly what it was that had been done to him. What was once a bearable, albeit unpleasant memory became an endless source of shame and guilt on his conscience that tore at his self-esteem to such an extent that he was driven to bury the experience under a bravado of cynical indifference, and a drastic change on his appearance by growing his hair out nearly to his elbows. His reasoning for this was simple - he wanted it to be harder for people to discern the identity of his true gender. His voice was naturally a little on the high side, and he had fairly long eyelashes and a small, feminine build, so he could just as easily pass for a girl as he could a boy. In this way, if he remained androgynous, perhaps he would be less... desirable. It made sense, really - he was far less pretty by girl's standards than as a guy, being flat-chested and somewhat plain. If people were to assume he was female, wouldn't any potential attacker go after a more attractive girl?

And so, fixed in this warped logic, Inukashi spent his days concerning himself with hotel guests and smuggling No. 6 goods into the district, focusing on scrounging up a living for himself in the harsh society he was a part of to distract his mind from his own fears and insecurities and struggles with trust. However, the more he held it all in and kept it locked away from the world including himself, he realized it didn't just go away over time. The sad fact of the matter was that it only got worse; and eventually, something would set him off, and he would fall apart.

That night, as he cried in Shion's arms, the time for falling apart seemed to have arrived.

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><p>Later that night, after Shion had left to help the others investigate and Inukashi had gone to bed for a few hours of restless sleep, he woke to the sound of quiet humming. At first he thought it was his imagination, a lingering effect of drowsiness on his subconscious - but when he looked blearily across his room, he noticed a solitary figure leaning against the wall in a shadowed corner.<p>

"Nezumi?" He croaked. "What... what are you doing here?"

The humming ceased, and after a moment Nezumi answered, "I came to apologize."

Inukashi definitely wasn't expecting that. "Huh?" He said intelligently.

"That was out of line," Nezumi went on, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets. "I wasn't thinking of anything except that you would be the best one to pull it off. I didn't even consider... how it would affect you. Inukashi, I'm sorry."

Inukashi let out a bitter laugh. "I would be the best one to pull it off? I'm not the one who plays transvestite on stage every night, huh, _Eve?"_

In the dark, he could barely make out Nezumi's smirk. "I guess you're right," he replied. "But I ran out of mascara."

Inukashi snorted. "Oh no, we mustn't let that poor No. 6 gentleman settle for adequate eyelashes on his fake prostitutes," he gushed sarcastically. "What was I thinking?"

"Alright, so I ripped the dress when I fell gracefully down some stairs," Nezumi grumbled, approaching the bed and sitting down wearily. Inukashi could tell how much stress rested on the older boy's shoulders for the events that would soon take place - namely the infiltration of the infamous No. 6 Correctional Facility to rescue that friend of Shion's. A sudden idea struck him at the thought of Shion, and his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Shion sent you here, didn't he?" asked Inukashi. Surely, there had to be some greater occasion for Nezumi to waltz over on his own just to apologize.

Nezumi shifted uncomfortably on the bed. "No, actually," he quietly replied. "I just felt terrible for making you go through that, after..." He let the sentence trail off, for which Inukashi was grateful.

"Well, in that case... apology accepted," he said, giving the actor a rare smile. "And thanks for coming. I could use the company."

"Nightmares?" Nezumi guessed. Inukashi nodded sheepishly. After a moment's pause, he said, "Well, I say tonight's work has earned you a song. Would you like me to sing for you?"

"Yes!" Inukashi answered, perhaps a little too quickly. "I mean... yeah. That'd be great."

And as he cuddled up between the sheets and let himself drift off to sleep once more to the gentle notes of a familiar comforting tune, he felt grateful to Nezumi for, despite all the snide insults and arguments between them over the years, he was still the one that Inukashi knew would always care.

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><p><strong>Aww. You know, Inukashi was never really my favorite character (I think Shion is), but this episode gave me the idea for a back-story and it wouldn't get out of my head, so I just went with it - now I like himher even more. :) ****Anyway, I had a lot of fun with this one - the first part practically wrote itself (though the dialogue was kind of weird - I felt like the official guy was just being overly creepy), but I liked writing some of Inukashi's thoughts and perspectives - it just helped shape the character for me, even if it isn't all cannon. **

**Please take the time to leave a comment, constructive criticism or a simple "I liked it!" is always appreciated.**


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